can boredom recalibrate your moral compass?
When was the last time you did nothing?
Do you remember a time when you left space for a boring-as-hell day?
Until a year ago, I could not remember a single day. Although I focused on my healing over the past five years, I had not given myself time to just exist. I kicked it into high gear and did some introspective labor over the past year and a half. I sat with my emotions until I processed as much as possible. I used journaling and philosophical thought pieces to avoid the alluring loneliness of just existing. It was my process. I needed to exhaust myself in the self-healing realm before I could just be.
The turning point came when I got bored. Nothing to do and no one I wanted to burden with my inner turmoil. During this past year, I spent at least six months just drawing breath with myself. It was difficult to just be. I did not listen to music, watch anything, read, scroll, or study. And yet, without additional information coming in, my anxious mind would concoct enough to keep me occupied. I sat with those thoughts on silent drives and quiet showers until I could quiet my mind. I was finally starting to just exist and be present in everyday life.
This newfound silence is not constant; I still have anxious thoughts, my ego, trying to make me stray.
But when it’s quiet, it’s truly beautiful.
When we lose our inner quiet, we also lose our space to contemplate our values and behaviors. This becomes especially true in a world with a constant bombardment of new information and opinions further confusing our internal dialogue. My pursuit of self-healing books and podcasts was done with the best of intentions. I wanted to clear the confusion in my mind and find my quiet. I sought out philosophical, psychological, and spiritual teachings to find where my pain points were and how to heal them. But I was continuously taking in new ideas without the space to truly consider them and observe if they sat well with my soul. My understanding was only scratching the surface. I was spiritually and emotionally bypassing the healing my body was craving. My mental clarity did not come from absorbing as many new ideas as I could. It came when I paused and spent long periods in contemplation, trusting my intuition on which teachings could guide me. I needed to reconcile each idea with my inner knowing, understand it deeply, and embody it as it resonated with me. Facing the initial fear and pain of contemplation allowed me a much quieter mind. A mind that I can direct to what truly matters to me.
This space where I think about what is important to me is a blessing. It’s easier to stand firmly on my values in difficult situations, moments when a younger me may have betrayed herself to avoid discomfort. I have given a lot of thought to: what my values are, why they are important, and how I impact myself and others by embodying them. I found that my values and beliefs were always there under the surface, but I didn’t have the courage or direction to uphold them because I was busy following someone else’s. My moral compass needed to find the way back to its true north. This process has restored it to point there again.
Believing in a good and authentic life for yourself is important. Making it a reality is paramount.
What helps you define your values? What helps you uphold them?
Disclaimer
The information included in this post is not medical or spiritual advice. It is intended as a conversation starter on the above topic. Please leave me your thoughts below. If you find this content applicable to your healing path, please consult further with your medical practitioners and spiritual guides.
